Friends, your humble reporter has got more truble than I had whin Brother wet the bed an' told Mamma I done hit.
Januwarry has done gone an' I ain't got but one snow. I ain't never seed nothin' lak hit an' I bin predicktin snows since Hector wuz a pup.
Clete Estes, this honored journal's offishial fot kounter, got up with the chikens ever mornin' last August an' rote down 11 foggy mornin's on his drug store callender. That means we'ins is 'sposed to have 11 snows deep 'nough to trak a rabbit this winter. I ain't hardly never seed hit fail.
Friends, my detrakters 'er laffin their sides out. If'n I don't git my snows they is gonna ride my butt outta this county onna a rale.
I never did see no sich. Hit's 'sposed to be zero weather an' snow in Januwarry. Hit must ge global warmin' ' er sumethang 'cause this kinda weather in Januwarry don't mak a lick 'uv sense.
Global warming may be a good thang, friends. Last time I wuz at the store a pare 'uv long handle drawers costs $40. I kan't a'ford no sich drawers. I'd hafta buy a pare on time an' my credit ain't good 'nough to charge it.
Kountry boys don't ware no drawers in the summertime, but a cold north wind this time 'uv year goes up you'ins britches lags lak a stove pipe. I'm warin' the drawers I had last winter but most 'uv the fuzz is wore'd off.
I'll shore be glad when hit gits warm 'nough to go barefutted. Momma ust to let me an' Brother tak off our shoes long 'bout the furst 'uv Aprul. I'll never furgit how good hit felt to run as fast as you'ins cud.
I kan't run a'tall now. I'm older'n dirt an' if'n I try to walk too fast, I gits swimmin' 'uv the haid an' I trips over my cane.
Ol' age shore ain't whut hits craked up to be. I got more doctors that I got friends an' ever time I goes bak to Ol' Doc he gives me 'nother pill. I shore wud lak to find the gold in this here Golden Age folks talks about.
Maybe whin I gits to be pressydint I kin buy me onna 'em 'lectrik carts that you'ins kin ride 'round in. I hear tell a pressydint maks purt neart a doller a day.
Folks, I wanna beet The Donald whin I runs 'gainst him this fall. I gonna give onna 'em exzeggattive odders an' put a lid on the price 'uv winter drawers. I'm gonna tak us bak to whur we comes frum.
'Member if'n you'ins wanba Mak AmaryKerr Grate A'gin, Vote Humble Fur Pressydint.