Friends, I h'ain't never seed nothin' lak hit, an' your humble reporter has eat my share 'uv pinto beans an' cornbred.
Sumebody bak awhile ago, sint me a $3 bill fur my 'lection kampaign fur pressydint. Hit hadda a pitchure 'uv a well-know'd Demmerkrat up in Warshinton DC smokin' a cigar. I ain't gonna tell you'ins who he is 'cause I'm 'fraid he'll kick my butt whin I gits to Warshinton.
I figgered I cud by me 2 'er 3 votes with a $3 bill but nobody 'round c'chere wud tak hit.
I rekon hit's 'cause folks don't thank a $3 bill is no good, 'er these good Reepublikans around c'here don't want nothin' to do with no Demmerkrat outta Warshinton. Whoever sint me the $3 bill din't sine his name so I cud thank him propperly.
With that three dollers, if'n I kin kash hit sumewhure, I got $5.10 an' sume kinda coin that looks lack a silver doller but hit ain't.
That's good, friends. I'mma gonna buy me a ad on the tellyvision an' tell you'ins whut all I'mmma gonna do whin I beets The Donald in the nex 'lection. I rekon if'n I gits on the tellyvisions I'll hafta put my teeth in so I won't look so much lak no hillbilly whin I grins. I still got two teeth up frunt, but I looks better whin I has my teeth in.
I don't ware my teeth alla time 'cause they hurts. Mosta time I hafta 'et mash taters an' peas, 'er sumethang lak that 'cause I kan't chew nothin' hard.
Friends, your humble reporter is gittin' old. I ain't gonna tell you'ins how ol' I is 'cause I'mma gonna hav a burthday in 'bout a month so if'n I told y'all
now how ol' I is now hit wud be rong after my burthday is gone.
I've bin 'round here a while, friends. I 'member when cars hadda a running board an' you started 'em with a crank. I 'member whin dress britches fur the fellers wuz bib overhauls and the ladyfolks wore'd bloomers. I gotta whuppin' at home if'n I din't say yes mam an' yes sir.
I wuz born'd so fur out in the kountry you'ins hadda go to'ward town to hunt. We hadda kleen the hoot owl poop offa the clock face a'fore you'ins cud tell whut time hit wuz.
'Member folks, if'n you'ins wanna Mak Amarykerr Grate A'gin, Vote Humble Fur Pressydent!!!!