Friends, I ain't hardly never seed nothin' lak hit an' ypur humble reporter has bin plum to Texas an' bak. That's the Texas out c'here in the north eastern part 'uv Pu'lasski County an' not the big'un down thar whur the former Pressydint Bush lives.
The furst frost this fall will be on Oct. 10. Steve Tucker out c'here at Faubush hear'd a katydid holler July 12. That means hit'll frost 90 days later. I ain't hardly never seed hit fail.
Clete Estes, this honored journal's offishial fog counter, is gittin' up ever mornin' with the chikens an' countin' the foggy mornin's in August. The number 'uv foggy mornin's in August tells how many snow deep 'nough to trak a rabbit will fall this cumin' winter.
Your humble reporter is dependin' on my bevy 'uv weather watchers to check the wully wurms fur to see how blak hit is. The blaker the wully wurms bak the colder the winter. Also, I needs to know how thick the shucks is on y'ears 'uv corn an' how high hornets is bilding their nestes off'n the ground.
Long 'bout the furst 'uv September, your humble reporter will give my annual WINTER WEATHER FURCAST. Hit's a free survice, friends. No other publikation purvides that kinda information, not even DOT COM, whutever that thar is.
Don't y'all furgit your humble report is runnin' fur pressydint a'ginst The Donald. He's awful rich, I hear tell, an' if'n hit cost a quarter to go to Floridy you're humble reporteR cudn't git outta site.
I'm workin' my still ever nite an' I hopes to git sume votes by passin' out sumethang good to drank at the polls durin' 'lection day. I got two dollers an' a half in my Kampaign Fund an' I don't know how fur that'll go hallin' voters.
I figger if'n I kan karry Pu'lasski County I'll be a lag up in gittin' to the White House. I need to be pressydint 'cause I shore kan use the money. I hear tell a pressydint make purt neart a doller a day.
I've promised ever thang I kin thank 'uv, friends. A chiken in ever pot an' I'm gonna muv the White House down c'here on Pitman Creek. I'm gonna mak the ladyfolks ware bloomers an' bonnets an' us menfolks will ware bib overhauls an' brogans. I'n gonna tak us straight bak to the Good Ol' Days.
"Member, if'n you'ins wanna Mak Amarykerr Grate A'gin, Vote Humble Fur Pressydint. An' sind money fur my Kampaign Fund.