Friends, hit beets anythang I ever seed an' my Mommy always dressed me funny.
I seed a robin out it my place t'other day. Hit still is not to fur past the furst
uve Jan'u' warry so I don't no if'n seein' that robin wuz a sign 'uv sprang.
That robin wuz peckin' fur wurms but his beek wuz bouncin' off'n the ground. I guess hit gits cold 'nough at nite fur the ground to freeze but so fur the weather has bin purty nice fur Jan'u'warry.
The 11 foggy mornin' last August means we'ins will have 11 snows deep 'nough to trak a rabbit this winter. So fur, we'ins had one snow an' we got 10 more to go. I shore hopes the warm weather we'ins is havin' now don't mak me miss my snow kount.
Friends, your humble reporter is bad-mouffed, kik'd 'round an' made fun 'uv whin I misses a weather prodickshion. They calls me a big dummy an sume other bad names whin I don't git my weather predickshions r'at. Sides that, I don't git no pay fur my weather furcasts.
Whin I gits to be pressydint I ain't gonna pik no fites lak The Donald do. I'm gonna mov the White House down c'here on Pitman Creek an' stretch Short Creek out whur hit'll sorta mak a moat 'round the White House. If'n sume 'uv 'em bad guys wanna see me they'll hafta git a boat.
I'm gonna plant me a patch 'uv taters in the Rose Garden so I kin mak sume good tater soup to surve at them state dinners. If'n thar's room, I'm gonna plant me sume tobakker so I'll have sume to chew.
I ain't gonna raise no taxes, but I may up the price to git in a pay ti'lit frum 25 to 50 cents. I don't thank nobody wud mind to give a haffa dollar to git in an outhouse if'n they needed to go r'at bad.
We gonna use corn cobs to be dainty an' that'll save the price 'uv brot-on ti'let paper. I don't trust brot-on ti'let paper no how; did you'ins ever notice how thin that stuff is?
Friends, I'm gonna work on both side 'uv the aisle when I gits to be pressydint. I ain't gonna mind none to mak no deal with these city slikers if'n I needs to git sumethang done.
Your Humble Reporter is runnin' on the Hillbilly Party. My kampaign motto is "We needs a good hillbilly in the White House."
I'll tell you'ins one thang. Ain't no other kandidate made the grass-ruut promises that you humble reporter has. I gits down whur you'ins lives. Them Demmerkrats may m'peach me, but I'm gonna be boss whin I'm pressydint.
'Member, if'n you'ins wanna Mak AmaryKerr Grate A'gin, Vote Humble Fur Pressydint. An' don't furgit to sind money to buy votes.