Friends, I ain't bin so tickled since Paw changed the straw in the bed tick.
I seed Santy down c'here on the street t'other day an' he sed he wud vote fur me fur pressydint. He sed The Donald wuz gittin' more publicity that he wuz an' he shore wud lak to see sumbody else in the White House. He sed your humble reporter wudn't do nothin' as pressydint but draw my pay so I never wud git on the tellyvision.
I din't tell Santy I wuz gonna move the White House down c'here on Pitman Creek. I don't no whuther that wud change his vote 'er not. He don't lak to fly his raindear amongst a buncha buzzards an' we got suveral 'uv 'em durty burds circlin' round to find a ded dear.
Truth be told, I ain't shore whuther I wuz talkin' to Santy 'er onna his helpers. He shore wuz eechin under that hot ol' suit an' wuz skratchin' his hind end r'at thar in front 'uv me.
Santy lives up at the North Poll, but he sed he wuz gonna vote absontee here in Pu'lassky County.
I din't see Rudolph 'er nonna Santy's other raindeer. Hit wuz spittin' snow a little but thar wudn't no snow on the ground fur Santy's slay.
I slipped Santy a quarter to put me on his "NICE" list. I no these good Pu'lassky countians ain't gonna vote fur nobody that bin NAUGHTY. If'n I don't karry Pu'lassky County, I ain't got no chance a'tall 'uv bein' 'lected pressydint. I din't tell Santy I usta ruff stich a litte.
I kan't hardly wate to be pressydint. Folks will call me Pressydint Humble. That'll shore sound better'n whut folks calls me now. Most 'uv 'em calls me Dummy 'cause I misses my snow kount.
Whin I gits to be pressydint, I'm gonna sot down c'here at the courthouse an' smoke onna 'em x-pensive Kuban cigars. Whin yuu'ins passes, I'll kurtsy 'er whutever pressydints is 'spose to do.
I may git me summa 'em dancers lak 'em ol' fat kings in the Ol' World usta hav, lak I've seed in a pitchure book. I may git me a fiddle player 'er two an' we'll play musick.
Hit shore is gonna be fun to be pressydint. I'll probly be onna 'em dicktaters an issue a buncha 'e x'zeggative odders. Anyways, whutever I sez goes an' I shore hope 'em Demmerkrats up in Warshington don' em'peech me. I don't no how hit wud feel to be em'peeched but hit shore sounds lak hit wud hurt.
Friends, join Santy an' vote fur me. I'm runnin' on the Hillbilly Party an' I thanks we'ins need a Hillbilly in the White House.
'Member, if you'ins wanna Mak Amarykerr Grate A'gin, Vote Humble Fur Pressydint. An' don't furgit to sin money to by votes.