The time is here. It's time fur your humble reporter's WINTER WEATHER FURCAST!
Friends, this cumin' winter is gonna be colder'n a well digger's hind end and we gonna have 10 snows deep 'nough to trak a rabbit. Your humble reporter got up ever mornin' with the chikens an' marked down the foggy mornin' in August out at my place on Pitman Creek. Ol' timers will tell you'ins the number 'uv foggy mornin's in August tells how many snows deep nough' to trak a rabbit will fall durin' the cumin' winter. I ain't hardly never seed hit fail.
Most places in the county will have 10 rabbit trakers, but sume places cud be worser. Joyce Wesley out c'here at Nelson Valley sed she counted 17 foggy mornin's in August.
Sume snows this winter will be so deep you'ins will hafta use a kitchen cheer to mak a path to the barn to milk. Tommy Hines out c'here on Hinkle Road in the Mayfield nebberhood sed thar's a hornets neste on a fence post out at his place that is 6 foot offa the ground. Foks in the Mayfield seckshion may hafta clumb a tree to go to the outhouse.
It's gonna be mighty cold, friends. Rilo (Gene) Bingham reports he seed a few wully wurms on Campground Road an' ever one wuz solid blak. Solid blak on a wully wurms bak means winter is gonna be cold frum start to finish.
Gene didn't say whichaway the wully wurms wuz crawlin'. If they is crawlin' south it a sign of a really bad winter. If'n they wuz tryin' to git in the house, you'ins better cut sume more sto'wood.
The furst frost this winter will fall on the mornin' 'uv October 12. David Jones out c'here at Brezzy Hills hear'd a katydid holler on July 14. The furst frost will fall 90 days after the furst katydid hollers, so that maks hit October 12.
Friends, your humble reporter has oddered me a new pare 'uv winter drawers outta the mail odder cattylog.
The Donald is fussin' with the post office folks so my drawers cud be lost. I shore hopes they gits here a'fore the furst frost 'cause all the fuzz has wore'd off the pare I wore last winter. Onna the buttons has been lost off'n the bak door flap.
Friends, I ain't got no idear who will kount the snows if'n I'm 'lected pressydint in November. I'll be so busy entertannin' Mr. Pootin an' The Rocket Man I won't hav no time much. As pressydint, I'll probly sleep late an' won't be up early 'nough to kount the foggy mornin's. I'll hafta stay up till purt neart dark ever nite with all them air state dinners an' sich.
'Member, if'n you'ins wanna Mak AmaryKerr Grate A'gin, Vote Humber Fur Pressydint.Whin I'm pressydint I'm gonna put a chiken in ever pot.