This week the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage made a little slip. To her, it was a little slip, but to me, it was a big mistake.
It is not always that she makes mistakes that I can profit on. I don't make this public, especially within her earshot, but there are times that she makes a mistake, and I'm always on the lookout for those times.
When it comes to me, I'm always making mistakes. I'm not sure that I can make a little slip because mine are much bigger. And the problem with this is, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage always catches them, and sometimes, I don't know how she does it, she catches them before I actually do them.
She calls it "woman's intuition," but I call it "man's trouble."
This past week, for instance, I had an appointment with my eye doctor. I was to pick up my new glasses, and I was anxious about that. I told my wife that the doctor's appointment was on Wednesday. She countered that and said, "No, I believe it's on Thursday."
"It's my appointment," I said, both hands on my hips, "and I'll go when I want to."
She looked at me, snickered, and then went back to what she was doing. I think I heard her mumbling something like, "He's 13 again."
I got to the eye doctor's office, walked in as I was putting on my mask (I'm not too fond of these masks), walked up to the counter, and signed in. Then I went to sit and wait to be called.
In a few minutes, a nurse came up to me and said, "Mr. Snyder, what are you doing here today?"
"I'm here to pick up my glasses."
"I'm sorry, your appointment isn't until tomorrow."
I looked at her with one of my stunned looks and then said, "Could I camp here until tomorrow?"
I had to go home and tell my wife that I was wrong, and she was right. If I had a nickel for every time I admitted that I was wrong, I would be a very wealthy person.
But this week, my wife made her mistake, and I was able to cash in on it.
She returned home from shopping at Publix, and I think without even thinking, she said as she was coming into the kitchen, "The Girl Scouts are selling cookies at Publix today."
There are many things she says that I cannot hear. I'm not sure if it's my ears or what. For some reason, I picked up on this phrase about the Girl Scout cookies.
I tried to remain quiet and calm. I knew if I stirred up any excitement, she would catch on to what she said to me. According to her, I am very limited as to the cookies I'm allowed to eat. Her preference would be that I eat no cookies while I've got breath in my nostrils.
I remember when she told me, "You cannot eat no cookies!"
I smiled because she did not know what she said. A double negative equals a positive. Most people don't get that.
The next step was to figure out how to leave the house and go to Publix without somebody in the house finding out.
I did not know how I would do this. I thought about it and tried to come up with the perfect plan.
Then, an opportunity opened up that I could never have anticipated.
"I forgot something at Publix," my wife said, "would you have time to run over to Publix and pick this up for me?"
I find it very hard to subdue hilarious laughter under circumstances like this. I worked hard and solemnly said, "Oh, my dear. I can go right now, and there's no problem at all."
Like magic, I disappeared from the house and started the car before I even got in it and headed for Publix. All I could think about was those wonderfully delicious Girl Scout cookies. After all, when I buy Girl Scout cookies, I'm helping to support some young ladies who need it. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Walking up to the girls at Publix, I almost forgot what I had come to pick up.
I looked at them and said, "I'll be back after I go do some shopping."
I'm always as good as my word, and I came back, and since I could not make up my mind as to what cookies I wanted to purchase, I did the gentlemanly thing and bought one of each cookie they had for sale. How much it cost has no relativity to my desire for these cookies.
As I put the bag on the kitchen table, my wife happened to look at it and said to me, "Those are not Girl Scout cookies, are they?"
"Isn't that what you wanted me to buy?"
She just stared at me, but all I could think about was eating that first cookie.
As I delighted in eating that first cookie, I was reminded of what David said in one of his Psalms, "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart" (Psalms 37:4).
As much as I delight in these cookies, my greater delight is in the Lord. As I delight in the Lord, I enjoy all the delicacies of that relationship.
DR. JAMES SNYDER is pastor of the Family of God Fellowship, 1471 Pine Road, Ocala, FL 34472. He lives with his wife in Silver Springs Shores. Call him at 352-216-3025 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. The church web site is www.whatafellowship.com.